Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The Laziest Blogger Ever

I’m not so good with the 30 day blog challenges.

I always think, “Oh! It’s ok to miss one. I’ll do two tomorrow! No problem!!”

Then tomorrow comes, and I don’t do any.

So I think, “Oh! I’ll catch up this weekend! Fifteen blog posts in two days? No problem!!”

Yeah.

So I think this time, I’ll do the 30 day challenge on my own terms. I obviously don’t care if I get it done in a month. I have things like school and a social life to keep up with, so it’s hard to do.

But I’m promising the maybe one reader I have that I’ll blog at least once a week. I need it. It’s good for me.

So now that I’ve promised something that I’m sure to not keep up with, I’ll fill you in on my life lately.

A few exciting things have happened in the past couple of months. School started again in January, and I love my classes this semester. My favorite is creative writing, closely followed by painting.

It’s funny, because I always liked the thought of me being a writer, but I never though any of my creative writing was very good. But then I did NaNoWriMo last November, and I got really into it. I didn’t finish my novel, I didn’t even get close, but I’m still working on it.

And my first creative writing piece went over really well! My teacher picked it for the class workshop, along with three other stories, and mine’s gotten really good compliments. I might post it on here, later.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading more? In the last six months, I’ve read three novels. I know this isn’t a huge number, but it’s more than I read the year before. That makes me really sad. I used  to read two books a month. I devoured them like they were going to vanish if I didn’t finish them in a certain amount of time. I’m glad I finally had some time to finish one, let alone three!

I also decided I was moving out of my mom’s house at the end of July! I had to anyway for school, but my best friend’s boyfriend was recently told he would be deployed to Afghanistan in the fall, so I’ll be moving in with her while he’s gone. It’s really going to help me out, but it’s a scary thought that someone I know (who isn’t in my family) will be over there.

So with that, I promise you another blog next week. And who knows! Maybe you’ll get two  🙂

Resolutions

It’s New Years Eve.  I have no idea if that’s all supposed to be capitalized, but I’m going to do so just because everyone does.

I’m sitting at home watching the 4th Shrek movie with my 8 year old cousin.  My mom is in her room playing on her laptop, the same thing she does every night.  My best friend M is out with her boyfriend, M, and my other best friend, T, is out with his friends drinking and having a glorious time.  And I’m happy for them!  I wish I was with them.

But I’m glad I’m home, because I’ve realized something tonight.  I can’t do anything right for anyone.  I try so hard, and every decision I make only makes things worse.

This has made me realize that I need to start doing things for myself.  I always focus on my mom and sister, and then worry about myself later.  I’m not happy at home, I’m not happy in this town, and I’m not really happy at the school I’m at.  I have 5 resolutions this year to fix this problem.

1.  I’m Going To Make Myself Happy and Actually Do Things

Unless it’s going to hurt someone else or myself, if I want to do it, I’m going to do it.  I missed out on a lot in high school because I had to help my mom at home because my dad wasn’t home.  I’m ok with that, really, but I’ve carried this attitude into adulthood.  I never do anything without asking permission from my mom (I’m almost 22!!) because I don’t want a conflict with someone else. From this point on, oh well.  I’m going to actually live my life.

2. I’m Going To Speak Up

Anyone who knows me knows I don’t speak my mind.  If someone hurts my feelings, I ignore it them and cry about it later.  I don’t stick up for myself, and I have to change it.  I’m actually getting better at this, but I still have too many nights that involve me sitting in my room alone, thinking about what someone has done or said.  I’m going to tell them that I’m hurt, that I do have feelings, and that I am a person and I matter.

3. I’m Going To Be More Outgoing

I don’t have many friends.  I have two really awesome great ones who I can always talk to, no matter what, but other than that I only have acquaintances.  I’ve never had a boyfriend, and I know it shouldn’t, but that really bothers me.  I’m going to put myself out there more, to find both friends and maybe more.  I know this means I’m more likely to get hurt, but I’ve been through it before.  I’ve decided I’m going to an internship this summer in Oklahoma.  It’s nine weeks away from home, working with kids through the Methodist church.  I hope this will bring me out of my shell, and it also brings me to my next resolution:

4. I’m Going To Try to Get Closer to God

I’m a Christian, but I don’t always act like it.  I know this, and I’m not proud of it.  I hardly ever read my Bible, and I dread going to church.  It’s just that I struggle with many of the church’s rules and teachings, things like opposing gay marriage and the hypocrisy of many of the Christians I know, including members of my own family.  I am lucky enough to be part of the Methodist church, which I feel is very open minded and accepting, but it’s still oppressive in many areas.  I guess that I am more spiritual than religious, if that’s right.  I really don’t know.  Anyways, my resolution is to read my Bible daily, pray daily, and be more trusting of the God I do believe in.

5. I’m Going To Take Better Care of Myself

I need to lose weight.  I need to be in much better shape for my age and height.  Sometimes I look in the mirror and I’m disgusted with my appearance.  Earlier this year I was diagnosed with an under-active thyroid, and I’m going to be on medication for the rest of my life.  The medication had helped me lose a little bit of weight, but not much.  This is my promise to myself: I will eat more salads, spend an extra 30 minutes at the gym, and only get the small order of fries from Wendy’s (that one’s going to be hard).

 

I’m really bad at keeping my resolutions, but I feel that these are basic things that the majority of us need to do.  Maybe once I get these down, I will feel much better about my life.

I’m wishing all of you a blessed 2011, and amazing luck with your own resolutions!

* Day 09 — A photo you took

I took this picture when we were going to Hawaii.  We had just left Seattle after an awful day of delayed flights and sibling rivalry, and I was sitting next to an extremely attractive boy.  Too bad his girlfriend was sitting on the other side of him.

So, I spent the majority of the six hour flight staring out the tiny plane window.  We had left at exactly the right time, and only an hour into the flight I got to witness the sunset.  I’d seen impressive sunsets from the ground in Missouri, and for a moment I wasn’t too excited about what was happening not too far from me.  We were eye level with the sun.  And then I realized I could not only see bright blue skies, a setting sun, and the infinitely deep ocean below us.

I’m ashamed to admit that accidentally woke up the hot guy (whom in my mind I called “James”) in an effort to grab my camera from the purse that had unknowingly fallen over.  Those airplane seats are tiny, and my elbow didn’t understand the idea of a personal bubble.   And of course I hadn’t zipped it (because what if I needed more lip gloss to impress James?) so hot only was my camera on the floor, but so was my wallet, boarding passes, phone, and iPod, with the carefully wrapped headphones now unraveled and somehow attached to the seat in front of me.

I carefully scooted the camera closer to me with my foot, and leaned over to grab it.  My elbow slipped again.  James either didn’t feel it, or was trying to ignore my persistent jabbing.

To wrap this story up, I took a lot of pictures.  James saw me do this.  I blushed.

But now I have some pretty awesome pictures.

Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad

There’s a picture of my great grandma and I by ourselves.  She is sitting on my grandma’s ugly old green couch, slightly bent to hold me up because I’m beginning to learn to walk.  I can only see a small portion of her face.  This picture is right next to my bed.  I look at it every day, multiple times, and especially before I go to sleep I sometimes start to cry.

 

I cry because this is the only picture (that I know of) that I have with her and I in it.  My sister and I had planned on asking to take family photos on Christmas day last year.  We knew.  And then we forgot.  Family came and presents got opened, and food got eaten and we all took naps.  But we forgot about taking just one photo.

 

And then I went to my dad’s to spend the week after with him and his girlfriend.  When I said goodbye to her, she was lying on the couch and almost asleep, and she asked me where I was going, and why.  And I told her.  And I told her that I would be back to see her in a week, and she smiled and kissed me on the cheek and I gave her a hug and I left, sobbing.

 

The next day I got a call that she was on oxygen.  She couldn’t sit up on her own.  She needed help with everything.  I started sobbing in front of my dad’s girlfriend’s family, and said I didn’t want to go back because I had just gotten there and it would be too much trouble for my dad to drive the two hours to take me back to see her.

 

That night, I dreamed about when I told her goodbye.  I woke up crying, and all I heard was myself telling her “I’m going to come back soon. I’ll be back.”  So I went back that morning.

 

That night she died.

 

So hold your loved ones close.  Keep your promises.  Remember every laugh, every tear, every angry moment and every moment of forgiveness.

 

And remember to take that picture.

* Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

All of my favorite people, acting like themselves.

I don’t care how awful I look here, I want a 20×24 of this in black and white hanging in my home someday.

My family is complicated. We rarely all agree on anything, no matter how trivial, and this causes more problems than it should.  My uncle is 35 and is yet to have really grown up, my mom is the stereotypical know it all only sister, my other uncle is the stereotypical Army career macho guy who also thinks he knows it all.  My grandma clearly plays favorites sometimes.  My oldest cousin doesn’t act her age, my middle cousin acts much older, and the youngest is genius and the coolest person I know. My sisters are, well, my sisters, and I’m sure I’m a mix of all of them, not always the easiest one to get along with.

But I wouldn’t trade any of them for another.

* Day 06 —15 random facts about yourself

1. I’m majorly obsessed with all things Glee and Harry Potter.

2. I’ve never gotten a speeding ticket. Until today.

3. I’m glad I’m not pursuing photography as a career anymore. I don’t have enough confidence in myself to do that forever. But I’ll do it for now to make some spare cash.

4. My biggest fear is never finding someone who loves me as much as I love them.

5. I’m horribly addicted to spending money. I’m getting better, though.

6. One of my classes this year is Human Sexuality, and it’s the best class I’ve ever taken in college. Most people would find that shocking. But in reality, I’m the most dirty minded virgin I know.

7. I can have a mouth worse than a sailor’s.

8. I play the flute. I wish I hadn’t quite band sometimes, but then I remember how much I hated marching.

9. My favorite book is The Great Gatsby, but I’ve only read it once, and I don’t own it.

10. Some days, I’m extraordinarily lazy and it makes me mad. I could have accomplished so much if I would have just gotten off the couch.

11. My family and best friends are my world.

12. I love the town I live in, but I hate living here. I’d much rather live in Springfield or the town my grandma lives in.

13. I can’t wait to move out of my mom’s house, but the thought scares me.

14. I desperately want to go back to Europe.

15. I’m awful about snooping into people’s personal lives, and there are some things I’ve found out that I wish every day I didn’t know.

* Day 05 — Your favorite book

Seriously?  Let me tell you all a bit about my life.  My life has mainly revolved around books.  I learned how to read when I was 4, and in the 5th grade I was at a 12th grade reading level.  We had to do this thing called Accelerated Reading (A.R.) and there were literally no books on my reading level available in the library.  Luckily my teacher let me read books from home, and she’s the one the introduced me to the Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia series.

Yet again, this post is going to contain another list, because there is no way I’d be able to pick just one book.

1. The Harry Potter series.

I was the same age of Harry when I started reading the books.  I grew up with the characters, and I think that’s what makes them so important to me.  I remember buying numbers 1-3 at the same time, and I was so excited to start reading them.  I think it only took me two weeks.  When numbers 4-7 came out, I stayed up all night reading them and would finish the day after.  Then I would re-read them.

2. The Great Gatsby

I had to read this book my sophomore year of high school, and I was dreading it.  I was completely wrong about it.  However, the book is only slightly better than this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiajdDYYMaA

3. To Kill a Mockingbird

I can’t really explain what it is I love about this one.  It’s just…good.  Really, really good.

4. Water for Elephants

Definitely read this!!! It’s getting ready to be made into a movie, which I definitely have mixed feelings about, but hopefully it won’t let me down. It’s a newer book, but it’s a classic in my eyes.

5. The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Do I need to explain?  If you’ve read it, you understand.  If you haven’t read it, I don’t know what you’re waiting for.  Go buy a copy, now.

RUNNERS UP:

The Bell Jar

Dreamland (anything by Sarah Dessen, really.  She’s wonderful.)

The Reader

Claire Marvel

Flabbergasted

The Kite Runner and One Thousand Splendid Suns