Food and Love

Today was supposed to be about my favorite book.  BUT IT’S NOT!!  Haha, tricked ya!

I taught 5th grade today.  I didn’t really do much, but when I got home I was exhausted.  Probably because I spent 4 hours talking to Thom when I should have been asleep, but you can’t resist a phone call from Thom.  It starts off all “I hate my life, I hate my job, I’m such a hipster, blah blah blah” (on both our ends)  and end up “OMG I’M ADDICTED TO TUMBLR AND NOW I’M GOING TO LAUGH AT SOMETHING HARRY POTTER/MEAN GIRLS RELATED EVEN THOUGH WHAT YOU SAID WASN’T REMOTELY FUNNY.” (Mostly on my end.)  And we totally get each other because we are like twins.  It’s totally awesome.

So I took a nap.  I woke up to my younger sister telling me she was leaving me money for dinner, and that she had plans.  I want you all to know my 16-year-old sister has more of a social life than I do, and she gives me money for dinner.  She’s pretty cool sometimes.

But I fell back asleep, and woke up completely disoriented.  My mom (who also has more of a social life than me) was at an event she forgot to tell me about, so I was to eat dinner alone.

This can be tragic.  Should I just order pizza and stay at home like the recluse I am?   No, because it’s Friday night and it’ll take two hours to get to my house, and I effing starving.  So I decide on Chinese.

But what do I want?  Cashew, or sweet and sour, or orange chicken, or something else?  OR, I can go inside and eat whatever I want because there’s a BUFFET.

Buffet pwns drive through. Always.

Then I realize this could be the perfect situation to pick up some lonesome cute guy.  Guys like food.  And obviously I’m single since I’m all alone in the restaurant. I picked a target: a probably 30 year old man, slight beer belly, cell phone on a clip attached to his belt.  PERFECT.

I decided to make a handy list on why it’s perfectly ok to eat dinner inside a restaurant even if you are alone, and how to pick up men while doing so:

1. As mentioned, you can pick up guys.  You both have something in common already, too, because you’re at the same restaurant!

2. You might see someone you know, and get a chance to talk to them.  This happened tonight.  I was able to convey to said acquaintance that I was in college in town, where I was working, and what I was studying.  This not only lets the target know you are able to hold a job and won’t be a gold digger, but you are also working towards a brighter future for yourself by attending college.  Also, he will find out people actually like you enough to talk to you in public!

3. Or, this may just let him know where he needs to be to proficiently stalk you.

4. On an unrelated romantic note, the waitress might feel bad for you an bring you 3 fortune cookies.  She didn’t tonight, but it has happened before.

Old guy did look at me once.  I caught him.  But then he got in a rape van with a handicapped license plate, so I decided not to pursue him any further.

Sometimes, I can make really good choices.


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